Nobody is immune from hard times. We will all, at some point, experience difficulty – the events of this past year have been a testament to that. But, thankfully, even the toughest of times will eventually pass. Yes, they may leave their mark, but there are things we can do to guide ourselves through.
Blessedly, we harbour a helpful weapon in our human characteristic armour; it aids our capacity to recover from difficult life events and has the potential to help us thrive despite them.
It’s resilience.
Resilience is the ability to withstand adversity, to adapt positively to negative situations. It doesn’t mean you won’t feel the distress of what has happened to you; it’s about having that natural emotional response and then, in time, moving past it.
‘Resilient’ is one of the answers I would give if asked to describe myself in 3 words (funny and trustworthy are the other two, in case you’re wondering). Whilst I’m exceptionally proud of being resilient, unfortunately, it’s a strength gained over several tragic, traumatic & highly stressful situations throughout my life. It’s led me to try and embody the statement ‘grow through what you go through’, and it’s always resilience that enables me to reach the ‘grow’ part.
As I was researching resilience in more depth for this post, I began to recognise and relate to many recommended resilience-building actions put forward. They’re ones I’ve personally used, and putting them in place is what got me through. I might not have been sitting here typing this now without them, in all honesty.
Don’t panic if you feel resilience has evaded you up to now – you’re most likely far more resilient than you realise. We all are. And luckily, you can develop resilience; you just need to take some positive actions to help build it within you.
Here are 5 ways to build resilience
#01
Seek Support
Although it might seem bizarre to say you need support to build resilience (resilience is a personal character trait, after all), it’s actually one of the most critical things you can do in your quest to bounce back.
When I hit rock bottom, despite how strong I liked to feel I was, I knew in my heart getting myself through was going to take a collective effort. I’m not one to ask for (or even accept, for that matter) help, but thankfully I was able to push aside my ego and reach out to my friend, Mary. Her listening ear & unending emotional support provided me with the cushion I needed to keep one foot moving in front of the other.
Through opening up to Mary, I built confidence and trust in opening up to others within my friendship group too. From that point, my relationships became much deeper and stronger – right when I needed them the most. Everyone really came through for me, each taking a pivotal role in helping me get to a better place, for which I’m eternally grateful and far more resilient as a result.
If, like me, you find it difficult to ask for support, just start by approaching one person. It doesn’t even need to be someone you know; it could be an organisation like The Samaritans. Just make sure you don’t attempt to navigate challenging times by yourself; the burden feels a lot lighter when you have someone supporting you to carry it.
#02
Tune into Your Positive Inner-Voice
I appreciate in challenging times, a negative inner dialogue can often win out. However, in recognising this, you can start to redraft the inner script to become more supportive, understanding and encouraging. Perhaps draw on past experiences; knowing you’ve faced tough challenges before means you know you can do it again.
This isn’t about putting pressure on yourself to be positive instantly; you have to process what’s gone on, which takes time. It’s more about being open to allowing hope & compassion to enter your life at a time when it’s of most benefit to you.
Personally, as I lay in bed each night, I would list each good thing from the day. At my lowest, I challenged myself to name just one positive and then encouraged myself to build up from there. Somedays, all I could feel good about was that I made a cup of tea that tasted nice, but nevertheless, it was just something to hold onto. As time passed, I naturally started to notice more good things, and I tuned into my positive inner voice more easily.
Top Tip: Do take time each day to commend yourself even on the smallest of wins. They all add up to make the biggest difference.
#03
Take Action
Essentially, this is about taking proactive steps to help make the situation less stressful. OK, there may not be any fast or straightforward solutions, but it’s about putting things in place to feel the benefit as soon as you can.
For example, I sort support for my mental health via my GP. I made myself find out the answers to questions worrying me about my situation, and I took action on those answers when needed. Yes, it was scary at times, but it was also empowering. In a situation where I had felt almost no control, I began to feel more in charge again.
Taking positive action helps develop confidence in your ability to solve problems and increase trust in your instincts which are both critical factors in building resilience.
#04
Practice Self-Care
We all have needs, and we all need to look after ourselves, especially during challenging times. Self-care can be anything from time to rest, to meditation, to making sure you’re eating well and keeping hydrated.
Spend some time thinking about what you need, how best to take care of yourself. Addressing what comes up will certainly help you cope much better and make you more resilient.
RELATED: How to Practice Self-Care Without Feeling Selfish
#05
Have Purpose
Having a purpose gives you a compelling reason to get up each morning. Purpose allows you to see yourself as part of a bigger picture, giving you greater perspective, stability, confidence, determination and ultimately helping you be more resilient. It doesn’t need to be a noble life mission (although it can be if you want it to); it was simply going back to work for me. So find out what it is for you and be sure to pursue it.
If you’re stuck on finding your purpose, the worksheet included here can help.
The Path to Bouncing Back…
When it comes to resilience, the main objective is to move forward and not worry about the speed you take in doing that. You must ensure you don’t rush through or sideline your feelings; that would only hamper your recovery.
Seeking support, cultivating positive-inner dialogue, taking action, looking after yourself and having a purpose will help you build your resilience muscles, paving the way for much happier times.
Please note: I’m not a medical professional or trained counsellor. These are tips are gained through research and my own personal experiences. The tips are not a substitute for seeking professional help.
RELATED: 5 Science-Backed Coping Tips For When Times Are Challenging & Tough
SOURCE REFERENCES:
- What is resilience? Everyday Health
- You Don’t Find Purpose, It Finds You. The Resilience Center
- Building your Resilience and Finding Your Purpose. SmartCompany, Stuart Taylor
- Grow Your Own Happiness: How to Harness the Science of Wellbeing for Life. Deborah Smith, Aster, 2019.
How resilient do you feel you are? Did you realise you could build resilience or did you believe it’s something you’re born with? How do you build resilience? Whatever you’d like to say – or ask – please do get in touch via the comment box below. I’m happy to help, and I always love to hear from you!
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