One of my inner circle is pregnant. She is 36 years old. A few years ago, her then fiance decided 6 weeks before their wedding to call it all off. He wanted them to stay together, but he did not want to get married. Her heart was broken. She took the very brave decision to end the relationship to the arsehole (he does go by another name, but unfortunately this one fits him better).
On what would have been her wedding day, her closest friends gathered round and took her out to attempt to laugh, attempt not to cry, but regardless, most definitely drink the hours away. All I can say is, my girl done good. There are not many who would have been able to style it out as well as she did that day.
One of the hardest things was she was settled – up until he dropped the bomb. She was on her chosen course; marriage, home, babies. All by the time she was in her early 30’s. But it was not to be. Not only had she lost the love of her life, she saw her chances of having a child diminish. She felt that her window of opportunity to meet ‘the one’, get married, buy a house and have a baby, was looking more and more narrow.
She had a fling with a very hot guy, but inevitably it was not to last and in amongst, she managed to purchase her first home on her own (no guy required). Then, as fate would have it, she went out with another friend and happened to meet the man she eventually ended up marrying (in a castle no less) last year. I should know, I was there. Fast forward 12 more months and today, I got to go to her baby shower.
I do not doubt, that if we told her on the day that she was supposed to get married to Mr Arsehole – that this is what her life would eventually lead her too – I think she would have been more than pleased with her tough decision to walk away.
At the time it would have been very easy for her to have stayed with him, caved to his petulant whining and gross indecision, because at least they would be together. But, she knew if she did that she would spend the rest of her life giving in to him, and if he wasn’t ready now, would he ever really be?
She didn’t know how life would turn out. She had to take a massive step into the unknown, alone. But she knew she owed it to herself to not be treated this way. She didn’t let fear hold her back.
I truly believe that others can’t love you unless you learn to love yourself first. To stay in a relationship where you are not treated as you should is not loving yourself.
We don’t know what life holds in store for us. Sometimes when we see our dreams slipping away, we panic and make rash choices. It would be great to know the future and feel confident that when we make a scary decision it will end up being a great choice. Wouldn’t that be lovely?
But until that time, please dear friend, do not let fear hold you back. From some of our darkest moments come some of our brightest opportunities. All you need to do is love and respect yourself, have faith and own your own story.