A while back, before I became unwell, I found myself in a strange place mentally.
Nothing was dramatically wrong. On paper, my life looked fine. But internally I felt unsettled – unsure of myself, unsure of my direction, and quietly questioning whether I was actually doing life “right”.
During that time, a simple exercise came to me.
I asked myself a question:
“If I could describe my life at 41 to my 13-year-old self… what would she think?”
And the answer surprised me.
I knew instantly that thirteen-year-old me would be happy with what she heard.
Not because my life was extraordinary.
But because it was, in many ways, exactly the sort of life she would have hoped for.
There was stability. There was love. There was meaning. There was a quiet kind of contentment.
Realising that brought me an unexpected sense of grounding. It helped me see my life with fresh eyes and reminded me that sometimes we are already living the life a younger version of ourselves dreamed about.
And that perspective alone can shift something inside you.
But What If Your Younger Self Wouldn’t Be Happy?
Whenever I share this reflection, someone inevitably asks the same question:
“But what if your 13-year-old self wouldn’t like what she heard?”
And honestly, that’s a fair question. If that happened, I don’t think the exercise would be a failure. In fact, it would probably be incredibly useful.
Because if younger you feels disappointed or surprised by where you are now, that could be a gentle signal that something might need to change. Not in a dramatic, panic-inducing way. Just in a quiet, reflective way.
Sometimes clarity comes not from knowing what you want — but from realising what no longer feels aligned.
But What If Younger You Is Happy… and You Aren’t?
Another interesting twist is this:
What if your younger self would be thrilled with your life… but you, today, still feel restless?
That’s valid too. We’re allowed to change. The dreams we had at 13 aren’t necessarily the dreams we carry forever.
Our values evolve. Our priorities shift. Our understanding of happiness deepens.
For me, this exercise wasn’t about locking myself into old dreams. It was simply a grounding moment – a reminder that life had unfolded in many beautiful ways, even if I was still figuring out the next chapter.
When You’re Stuck, Talk to Your Future Self
If you’re feeling stuck or unsure about your next step, there’s another version of this exercise that can be incredibly helpful.
Instead of speaking to your younger self…
Speak to your future self.
Now, stay with me here.
It might sound slightly strange at first, but this idea actually has strong psychological roots.
Research on the concept of the future self shows that when people feel more connected to the person they will become, they tend to make better long-term decisions and behave in ways that benefit their future well-being.
In other words, imagining and communicating with your future self can help bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to go.
And this exact type of reflective exercise is explored in books like Marie Forleo’s Everything Is Figureoutable, which encourages readers to adopt the mindset that problems and uncertainties can be worked through step by step.
Sometimes clarity doesn’t arrive instantly. But when we start asking better questions, answers tend to appear.
How the Future Self Exercise Works
When you imagine your future self – say 10 years from now – something interesting happens psychologically. You step outside your current emotional noise. Instead of thinking from the place of stress, pressure, or comparison, you begin to see things from a wider perspective.
Future you is:
- calmer
- wiser
- less caught up in short-term worries
- able to see what really matters
This perspective shift often makes decisions feel clearer.
Questions like:
- Should I pursue this idea?
- Is this relationship right for me?
- Am I focusing on the right things?
…can suddenly feel easier to answer when viewed through the lens of your future self.
How to Try the Future Self Exercise
You can do this as a journaling exercise or simply as a quiet reflection.
Here’s a simple way to start:
Step 1: Picture Yourself 10 Years From Now
Imagine yourself a decade into the future.
Where are you living?
What matters most to you now?
What have you let go of?
You don’t need a perfect vision – just allow a general sense of that future version of you.
Step 2: Ask Future You for Advice
Think about a situation you feel stuck in.
Then ask your future self questions like:
- What would you tell me to focus on right now?
- What won’t matter as much as I think it does today?
- What decision would make you proud of me?
Often, the answers that come up are surprisingly clear.
Step 3: Listen Without Judging
The key to this exercise isn’t forcing a dramatic life plan. It’s simply creating space for honest insight. Your future self might not give you a big, life-changing instruction.
Sometimes the advice is small:
“Start.”
“Be kinder to yourself.”
“Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.”
And often, that’s exactly what we need to hear.
A Bonus Exercise: Forgive Your Past Self
While you’re reflecting across time, there’s another powerful practice worth trying.
Take a moment to think about the past you.
The version of you who made mistakes.
The one who didn’t know what you know now.
The one who did their best with limited information.
Instead of criticising that version of yourself, try something different.
Thank them.
They navigated the uncertainty that brought you to where you are today. And chances are, future you will feel the same gratitude for the choices you’re making now.
RELATED: How to Forgive Yourself (& Why it’s Important that You Do).
A Simple Way to Regain Perspective
Life can feel overwhelming when we only look at it through the narrow lens of the present moment.
But when you zoom out – speaking to your younger self or your future self – something shifts.
Perspective returns.
You realise how far you’ve come. You remember what truly matters. And sometimes, the path forward becomes just a little clearer.
Because the truth is:
You don’t have to have everything figured out today. You just need to take the next step that future you will thank you for.
Have you ever tried either the younger-self or future-self exercise? How did you get on? Can you share a key takeaway? From my future-self exercise, I got ‘take better care of yourself’ Does that resonate with you too? Whatever you’d like to say, or ask, please do. I’m happy to help, and I always love to hear from you.
Source references
Marie Forleo – Everything Is Figureoutable:
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.co.uk/books/308369/everything-is-figureoutable-by-forleo-marie/9780241341056
Future self psychology research overview:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Future_self
