It’s hard to believe now (doing what I do) that I used to be a completely closed book. Unless you had given birth to me or married me, you were unlikely to know anything deeply personal about me. I made it my mission not to show any vulnerability.
It worked that way for me for a long time until it didn’t; until I realised that letting people in wasn’t merely a matter of privacy, but actually, a matter of survival. I learned I couldn’t navigate life alone; some things were too big to place on one person’s shoulders; we all need support.
Even though the thought of truly opening up was terrifying, I came to understand that vulnerability bred strength, not weakness; and that seeking support from the right people is essentially a positive thing.
With that in mind, I want to share some effective and empowering tips to support you on your journey of opening up. And in case you need an extra nudge, here are all the benefits…
The benefits of opening up more:
- Sharing meaningful things allows you to connect with others on a much deeper level. It encourages others to open up more with you, making the relationship mutually beneficial.
- It helps you feel less alone and more supported, which is critical for our well-being.
- It allows others to respond more helpfully.
- Your mental health and potentially, even your physical health can improve (when we feel we’re supported, we tend to rely less on damaging ‘crutches’ such as comfort eating, alcohol or even drugs)
- You gain more self-confidence and resilience.
I hope you’ll agree these are all compelling reasons to reach out and open up more!
10 Empowering Ways to Open Up More
#01 Consider who to open up too
When I first wanted to open up to someone, this was what I spent the most time considering. Opening up involves not just nerve but also trust. Who do you trust? I’d also think about what you want to share – who is the best person to support you? Has someone you know been through something similar? Is there someone with shared history who will have a better handle on the things you discuss?
There will always be an element of ‘leap of faith’ in telling someone; however, taking a moment to evaluate who to take the leap of faith with will more likely work out for the better.
#02 Pick your method
Opening up isn’t one way fits all. Contrary to belief, it doesn’t have to be face to face; you could do it over the phone or in writing. I have written letters before if I don’t feel secure or comfortable enough to address something in person. Ultimately, the best way to open up is the way that feels right to you.
Top Tip: Remember to read and reread what you’ve written if you send a letter or a text. The written word can be misinterpreted without the presence of vocal tone and body language to convey the message.
#03 Set a date
This one particularly helped me when I needed to open up in person. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve ducked out of opening up just by hoping the conversation will naturally flow towards it. It rarely does.
I’ve found it more compelling to contact the person, tell them I’d like to talk and set a time and place to meet. Yes, it does put the pressure on, but the expectation is there for both parties, and they’ll often say, ‘So what did you want to talk about?’ and that’s a great way to open you up to it.
Top tip: Remember to consider where to meet, especially when you’ll be feeling vulnerable and, if possible, choose somewhere where you won’t be distracted or interrupted.
#04 Think about what you’re sharing and be honest
Thinking about – not scripting – what you want to say will give you more confidence, help you get your words out more articulately and reduce frustration.
There’s also no point in sharing a partial story or one that shows you in a filtered light. Being honest is essential – people can’t truly help if they don’t have the facts; their advice will be better too.
#05 Understand your motivation
There’s always a reason behind your need to open up. What yours? What do you hope will come from this? Is it just for someone to listen? Perhaps an offer of practical support? A ceasing of a particular behaviour? Or to forge a deeper connection? Understand your motivation, and you’ll be more motivated to share.
#06 Set your own pace
Do not feel under any pressure to share deeply straight away. Some people feel more confident ripping the band-aid off, and others grow with each baby step they take. Practice makes perfect, after all.
#07 Respect the boundaries
Own your boundaries and respect the boundaries of others; those are the rules, folks.
#08 Don’t expect perfection from the first conversation
Yes, it would be wonderful if all went perfectly and your life changed for the better from just one conversation, but the world doesn’t always work like that. When you first begin opening up, have an open-minded approach without unrealistic expectations. Hope for the best and be ok with the reality. I’ve had plenty of times when things went well and times when the response wasn’t as hoped. But that’s OK – everything is a growth opportunity.
Good to know: Sometimes lots of conversations are needed to get you to a place where you feel comfortable sharing, but the more you try, the better your experience will be.
#09 Identify the issue
Is there a deep-rooted issue that prevents you from opening up more? Is it a fear of rejection or judgement? Understand what causes the block, and you’ll be able to identify ways to move past it.
#10 Talk to a professional
Therapists or counsellors are a wise choice to open up to in a safe, professional and trusting environment. Therapy enabled me to understand the blocks I had deep-rooted from childhood and gave me more confidence in sharing more with others. Why not look into it?
Being more open…
As many of my closest friends will vouch, I’m a more open book nowadays. I’m glad I started to open up more; I’m all the happier for it, and my relationships are richer. Please, don’t ever feel pressure to share everything with everyone; when and what (and with who) you share is always up to you. But when you decide to open up, I hope these tips will give you all the confidence you need.
Recommended: 10 Steps to Rebuild Confidence in Yourself
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A great post with fabulous practical advice – thanks Alex! I have never found it easy to open up, but I feel like I got better in recent years. However, unfortunately, I have recently been hurt by someone I put my trust in and I feel like I’m going to find it really difficult to open up in future because of this. Do you have any advice you can offer to help overcome this? It’s always great to hear someone else’s perspective. 🙂 Thanks, Gemma x